Misunderstandings often develop between people because they do not understand each other's motivational patterns. These motivations compel the manner in which we relate to and serve each other. Understood properly these motivations can strengthen relationships. The following pages list common perceptions people have of each other in regard to their pilot intrinsic motivation.
For each motivation match, a salsa thermometer is shown to depict the potential for problems between two people if they don't understand and appreciate each other's differences.
An iced tea cooler is also given for each motivation combination to show where strengths are.
Find the intrinsic motivation that corresponds to your pilot motivation using the above list or by scrolling down through the entire list of motivations. Then find the one that corresponds to the person you desire to understand better. Do you find the relationship description similar to your own attitudes towards that person?
Find the page with the motivation that corresponds to the pilot motivation of the person you desire to understand better. Look down through the list of motivations and find the one that corresponds to your pilot motivation. Do you find the relationship description similar to that person’s attitude towards you?
How does your relationship rate on the salsa scale? What does this indicate to you?
Does the iced tea cooler seem to be a strength in your relationship? Can you think of some other strengths that result from your differences?
How does knowing this about the other person help you to understand that person better and reduce the potential for hostilities in your relationship?
Proclaimer
Problems: Proclaimers tend to talk right past other Proclaimers. There tends to be little listening going on. There may also be the tendency to condemn each other.
Cooler: Both can agree that high standards are important and can encourage each other with the truth.
Helper
Problems: Proclaimers may look down on Helpers as not having enough spiritual concern. As a result they may tend to tell Helpers how things should be rather than discussing how things will get done.
Cooler: A Proclaimer appreciates the dedication, steadiness and help of the Helpers.
Researcher
Problems: Proclaimers may get impatient and tired of the Researcher's attention to details and facts. They may view the Researcher as trying to hold them back in trying to be sure that their work is on solid ground.
Cooler: A Proclaimer appreciates the Researcher's willingness to do the investigative work for many of the activities they engage in.
Exhorter
Problems: Proclaimers may feel that an Exhorter is talkative but does not get to the point quickly enough. They may also feel that the Exhorter is more people-oriented rather than truth-oriented.
Cooler: The people-orientation of the Exhorter makes the Proclaimer feel more at ease in uncomfortable social situations.
Giver
Problems: Proclaimers may feel that Givers hide behind their motivations and money instead of speaking out against what is wrong. They tend to see a Giver as focused to much on material things instead of spiritual matters.
Cooler: The supportive and practical nature of the Giver encourages Proclaimers when their opinions are not well-received.
Manager
Problems: Proclaimers may feel that Managers are too concerned with organization and process rather than truth. They also feel that Managers are too willing to compromise to achieve their goals.
Cooler: The organizational motivation of the Manager balances the tendency of the Proclaimer to rush ahead.
Comforter
Problems: Proclaimers may feel that Comforters are concerned only with feelings and don't care enough about the truth. As a result, the Proclaimer may tend to look down on a Comforter.
Cooler: In times of personal difficulty, the Proclaimer will appreciate the understanding and love of the Comforter.
Problems: Helpers can wear each other out. They have a hard time saying no to anything. They over-commit themselves. They may end up with no time for each other.
Cooler: They tend to be an efficient harmonious team and supportive of each other.
Proclaimer
Problems: Helpers tend to view Proclaimers as more talkative than practical. They may also view Proclaimers as unbending and so work around them rather than with them.
Cooler: The Helpers appreciates the willingness of the Proclaimer to express and defend the views they share.
Researcher
Problems: Helpers tend to feel that Researchers spend too much energy on details and do not accomplish enough. They may find it tempting to bypass the Researcher and do the work themselves.
Cooler: Helpers appreciates the willingness of the Researcher to attend to details the Helpers does not have time for.
Exhorter
Problems: Helpers appreciate the practical side of a Exhorter. They may feel that the Exhorter spends too much time talking about the plan and not enough time putting it into action.
Cooler: The social ease of the Exhorter makes it easier for the Helpers to become involved in new activities.
Giver
Problems: Helpers relate well with Givers. But, they would rather see more attention to giving practical help and time as opposed to just giving money or things. They may view the Giver as too materialistic and not appreciative enough of the Helpers.
Cooler: Like the Helpers, the Giver is motivated to help in practical ways so they form a good team. Both tend to be congenial and willing to listen to each other.
Manager
Problems: The Helpers can get frustrated with the Manager's insistence on long-range planning and can feel overwhelmed by the Manager's strong personality. They can see the Manager as focusing on planning rather than on meeting practical personal needs.
Cooler: The Manager can help Helpers organize the work they are doing and can assume a lot of the administrative details Helpers do no like to do.
Comforter
Problems: Helpers in many ways look at people and life in the same way Comforters do. The big difference is that the one looks at the practical physical needs while the other looks at the mental and emotional needs. As a result the Helpers may feel that the Comforter is too emotionally involved and does not act quickly enough.
Cooler: The Helpers appreciates the similar focus of the Comforter on meeting personal needs. The Helpers also depends on the emotional support of the Comforter.
Problems: Researchers are very concerned with details. As a result, they may put perfectionist demands on each other that are really unreasonable and may argue about small matters.
Cooler: Their love for research and knowledge can be a strong area of mutual endeavor and encouragement. They usually both enjoy reading and the arts.
Proclaimer
Problems: Researchers tend to wonder what Proclaimers base their strong beliefs on. They may also see Proclaimers as too emotional in their thinking.
Cooler: The boldness of the Proclaimer encourages Researchers to be more vocal about their convictions.
Helpers
Problems: Researchers tend to view Helpers as too action-oriented. They perceive the Helpers as not taking time to understand the causes of the problems they are trying to solve.
Cooler: Helpers help Researchers find practical application for the knowledge they have and soften a potentially dogmatic outlook in the Researcher.
Exhorter
Problems: Researchers and Exhorters often relate quite well with each other. However, the Researcher often views the Exhorter as speaking before knowing all the facts. They may also feel that they lack in social skills compared with the Exhorter.
Cooler: The Exhorter helps the Researcher see a practical side to the theoretical and makes social interaction with others easier.
Giver
Problems: Researchers do not understand the Giver's practical business sense and willingness to give so much materially to others. They also may see them as stingy in personal finances.
Cooler: The Researcher can depend on the Giver to recognize personal financial needs before the needs become a problem.
Manager
Problems: Researchers see Managers as unconcerned with knowledge and understanding and preoccupied with organization. As a result, they view the Manager as not being understanding and supportive of them.
Cooler: The Manager can bring a sense of order to the widely varying interests of the Researcher and help them focus on the best activities.
Comforter
Problems: Researchers are probably the least emotional of the seven motivation types. Because of this they tend to view Comforters as overly emotional and hard to understand.
Cooler: When Researchers attempt to analyze a problem and are not successful, the Comforter will extend compassion rather than criticism.
Problems: Exhorters are people-oriented. Because of this, they get along with each other probably the best compared with the other motivation types. However, their talkativeness may cause conflict in that they do not give the other person time to talk as well. They also may tend to view each other as naggers.
Cooler: One Exhorter can always depend on the other for a positive practical outlook and support.
Proclaimer
Problems: The Exhorter may view the Proclaimer as too critical and not encouraging enough to people. The Proclaimer may also be viewed as not being practical enough.
Cooler: The Exhorter can rely on the Proclaimer to determine whether the practical course of action is also morally acceptable.
Helper
Problems: The Exhorter views Helpers as doing too much for people and not enough with them. They also may feel that Helpers are too quick to start a project without seeing if there is a better way.
Cooler: The Helpers tends to be a good listener and allows the Exhorter to voice ideas and receive feedback in an uncritical way.
Researcher
Problems: Exhorters and Researchers relate quite well with each other. However, the Exhorter may feel that the Researcher spends too much time on detail and not enough time in helping other people put their ideas into action.
Cooler: The Exhorter enjoys talking with the Researcher about many widely varying topics and ideas. They make a good team.
Giver
Problems: The quietness of the Giver may make the gregarious Exhorter feel like communication is lacking. The Exhorter may also perceive that the Giver is better at meeting practical needs of others because Givers are able to give materially.
Cooler: The practical nature of the Giver meshes well with the action-oriented Exhorter. They tend to be a good team when they communicate well.
Manager
Problems: Exhorters and Managers are action-oriented. However, Exhorters may view a Manager as being more concerned with planning and organization than with people. Exhorters also tend to resist the forceful nature of the Manager.
Cooler: Both tend to be outgoing and enjoy working with people in visible positions. This can be a good team.
Comforter
Problems: Both Exhorters and Comforters have a very people-oriented outlook. The main area of tension between the two comes from the Exhorter viewing the Comforter as not being logical, practical, or decisive enough.
Cooler: Both tend to listen to each other. The Exhorter appreciates the emotional support of the Comforter.
Problems: The personal frugality practiced by Givers may adversely effect a relationship with each other. They may not be willing to spend anything for each other, and may rather give it all away. This may lead to concern whether or not they really care about each other.
Cooler: They both tend to be relaxed and enjoy working together since they like to help others.
Proclaimer
Problems: The Giver may view the Proclaimer as being too concerned with pronouncing the solution to a problem but unwilling to provide for the solution. As a quiet person, the Giver may choose to provide means for solving problems without letting the Proclaimer know about it.
Cooler: The Proclaimer is able to help the Giver see who can be trusted in business and in charitable giving.
Helper
Problems: Givers and Helpers have a lot in common and get along well. The Giver may, however, view Helpers as being pushy in their insistence on being part of the practical solution to problems. The Giver may also feel that the Helpers is too involved in outside activities.
Cooler: Both tend to be relaxed and are helpful and accommodating towards each other.
Researcher
Problems: Givers have a difficult time understanding Researchers. They see the Researcher as never solving problems only just studying about them. They tend to view the Researcher as more theoretical than practical.
Cooler: A Researcher is usually willing to work hard on the things they agree to do together and is verbally supportive of the Giver.
Exhorter
Problems: Givers tend to not be as social as Exhorters. As a result, the Giver tends to view the Exhorter as often putting them in uncomfortable social situations. They may also feel at a disadvantage with the verbally more aggressive Exhorter.
Cooler: The Giver appreciates the encouragement and counsel of the Exhorter in difficult personal situations.
Manager
Problems: A lot of the planning that a Manager does publicly is similar to what a Giver does privately. Hence, the Giver finds quite a bit in common with a Manager. The tension may come in Givers' reluctance to let Managers in on their plans and in the perception that the Manager wants to take over.
Cooler: This is often a good team in business with each motivation complementing the other.
Comforter
Problems: A Comforter may try to get close to other people too quickly and make the Giver feel uncomfortable. A Giver will often see the Comforter person as not accomplishing enough with the time they have.
Cooler: Both tend to be very supportive of each other.
Problems: A house divided against itself cannot stand. This is potentially the most difficult match of motivation types. Each may see the other as a threat to their leadership. It will be extremely hard for one to give in to the other.
Cooler: Two Managers can accomplish a lot when they work together.
Proclaimer
Problems: A Manager desires to get the job done and will cut corners if necessary. Since this is uncomfortable for a Proclaimer, the Manager views the Proclaimer as dogmatic and unbending.
Cooler: Managers and Proclaimers are a strong balanced team when working together; the Proclaimer will keep the Manager from making unwise choices.
Helper
Problems: Managers hold many traits in common with Helpers, hence, they get along well with each other. However, they do find the Helper's avoidance of long-range planning an irritant. They also may feel pressured by a Helpers to get more involved personally.
Cooler: Helpers work well with Managers in carrying out the plans they agree on; the Manager often sees Helpers as a great help in their work.
Researcher
Problems: Managers view themselves as the hare and Researchers as the tortoise. Managers feel if they wait for the Researcher, nothing may be accomplished. The Manager says something now and finds out later from the Researcher if it is theoretically correct.
Cooler: The Manager can depend on the Researcher to do background research work that the Manager does not want to do and take care of a lot the details.
Exhorter
Problems: The Manager may view the Exhorter as too impulsive and self-confident. The Exhorter is often viewed by the Manager as a potential source of insubordination and rebellion.
Cooler: Managers and Exhorters both like working with people and can be a good complementary team. The Manager will depend on the Exhorter for encouragement when plans are not working out.
Giver
Problems: A Manager probably appreciates the role of the Giver more than anyone else does. Managers share a lot in common with the Giver in the thinking and planning process. The Manager however may question whether the Giver's planning is thorough enough and may see the Giver as not being forceful enough in getting the job done.
Cooler: The Giver tends to be quietly supportive of the Manager boosting the confidence of the Manager.
Comforter
Problems: Next to the Manager-Manager match, this may be the match poised for the most problems. The Manager views the Comforter as being indecisive and too emotional. Interestingly enough, the Manager is most often attracted to such a Comforter in opposite sex relationships!
Cooler: When the plans of the Manager are unsuccessful, the Comforter is able to help the Manager not take it personally.
Problems: One of the classic traits of Comforters is that they seek fellowship with others of like mind. Hence, Comforters get along quite well with each other. Their biggest problem is that their indecisiveness may lead to great frustration with each other. They also tend to be easily hurt.
Cooler: They are concerned with each other's feelings and try to understand each other.
Proclaimer
Problems: A Comforter often views the Proclaimer as being an unfeeling and judgmental person. Comforters feel that the Proclaimer is too dominating and may suppress their own personal feelings as a protective measure.
Cooler: The Proclaimer will help the Comforter tell the truth in situations where someone could be hurt and helps them recognize unhealthy relationships.
Helper
Problems: A Comforter finds much in common with the Helpers. However, Comforters may feel that the Helpers is not concerned with the feelings of others, especially the Comforter's own feelings.
Cooler: Comforters find Helpers to be helpful, and they work well together and are supportive of each other.
Researcher
Problems: Comforters are on the opposite end of the emotional spectrum from Researchers. Hence, there is always a threat of misunderstanding. Comforters tend to see Researchers as detached and uncaring.
Cooler: Both Researchers and Comforters enjoy cultural and artistic activities. Researchers will also help Comforters understand the underlying reasons for emotional problems.
Exhorter
Problems: Comforters and Exhorters are probably the best match of the motivation types. The Comforter is often fascinated by the Exhorter. The Exhorter's self-confidence is often in stark contrast to the Comforter's own lack of self-esteem. The Exhorter's seeming ease in relationship, however, may be a reminder of the Comforter's own difficulty in this area, and may be a source of depression.
Cooler: The gregarious nature of Exhorters eases the discomfort of Comforters in new or different social situations.
Giver
Problems: Comforters may tend to view the Giver as desiring to avoid the real hurts and needs of people in distress. Comforters may wonder if the Giver is doing the same with them.
Cooler: Comforters find the quiet confidence and practical helpfulness of Givers to be emotionally stabilizing.
Manager
Problems: Comforters and managers are a potential threat to each other. The Comforter views the Manager with suspicion and fear. Comforters may feel that the Manager has no feeling for their emotional needs and cares only about keeping things running smooth. Yet the Manager's strong decisive leadership often attracts a Comforter to the Manager.
Cooler: Managers can help Comforters overcome their indecisiveness when decisions need to be made.
